Can we just take a collective deep breath for a second? I’m already more than half way through the first month and haven’t written. It’s been awhile and I’m happy to be back on here. Making it through the holiday in the best of times can be a lot, but with the added addition of some added personal stressors end of the year made it absolutely exhausting for my family.
I’ve been thinking about how every year there is always this pressure to “reset”, while I still haven’t downloaded and processed everything from last year. So, I decided that I would take the time needed for me to do a reset in my own way on my own terms.
However, this year does feel a little different for me, and maybe for you too. Many of us are moving into a new phase of parenting. My son is now according to healthychildren.org moving into the next stage of adolescence called “middle adolescence”. With that comes a whole new set of skills and understanding I will need to navigate in this next phase.
So if you’re heading into the new year parenting a neurodivergent child or teen and feeling like you don’t know what you’re doing either, welcome. You’re exactly where I am.
Letting Go Of The Idea That I’m “Doing It Right”
When my child was younger, I thought there was a right way to parent ADHD.
The right routine.
The right chart.
The right consequence.
The right book that would finally make everything click.
Now that I’m parenting a teen with ADHD, I realize how much of that was wishful thinking. There is no right way to parent ADHD. There are many different ways and you need to find the one that works for your family.
There will some days I handle things calmly. Other days I say the wrong thing, react too fast, or walk away wondering if I made everything worse. But I keep showing up, trying to understand this version of my child—not the one I imagined, not the one I compare them to, but the one right in front of me.
My most important parenting job is to teach my children how to deal with being human. There is really only one way to deal gracefully with being human, and that is: forgive yourself.”
— Glennon Doyle
WHAT THE TEEN YEARS HAVE TAUGHT ME SO FAR
Parenting a teen can with ADHD can be very humbling.
1. I DON’T ALWAYS UNDERSTAND THEIR BRAIN
There are days my teen knows exactly what they need to do and still can’t do it. Days when emotions explode over something that feels small to me. Days when motivation disappears and I panic about the future.
I’m learning that understanding ADHD isn’t about logic, it’s about curiosity. Asking why without assuming laziness, defiance, or lack of care.
2. Independence Isn’t Linear
One day my teen wants freedom and responsibility. The next day they need reminders for things we’ve gone over a hundred times. Sometimes, I think are we moving backwards? Now I’m learning it’s just part of how ADHD development and just growing up works.
3. I’m Going to Get It Wrong Sometimes
This one is hard to admit. I don’t always respond the way I wish I did. I raise my voice. I lecture when I should listen. I forget that emotional regulation is still developing.
WHAT I’M CHOOSING TO FOCUS ON THIS NEW YEAR
Instead of big parenting resolutions, I’m setting intentions I can actually live with.
I’m Choosing Understanding Over Control
I don’t need to control every outcome. I want to try and understand what’s underneath the behavior, because behavior is communication, even when it’s messy.
I’m Simplifying (Again… and Again)
If a system doesn’t work, I’m done blaming myself or my kid. We’ll adjust. We always do. ADHD parenting means flexibility.
I’m Listening More Than I’m Fixing
This is hard for me. I want to solve things. But this year, I’m practicing listening without immediately jumping to advice or consequences.
I’m Giving Myself More Grace
If I’m learning, growing, and trying, then I’m not failing. I’m parenting.
